blunt drama
We're on a mission from Gord
Saturday, February 07, 2015
Return of the Gacks
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Burke Smirks
The ongoing saga of the NHL's Anaheim Ducks continues today with the news that Brian Burke has been relieved of his general manager's duties and has been replaced by assistant GM Bob Murray.
Various sources have indicated failure to accept a contract extension as the reason, but CEO Michael Shulman cited breach of contract.
"Brian was hired to run the team, not to smile and enjoy his success. While he did not smile when the team won the Stanley Cup, it WAS clear that he enjoyed the experience. This is clearly a breach of contract and he was warned at the time. Feuding with Kevin Lowe of the Oilers over the signing of Dustin Penner was another episode. We hired him because we thought he was a dick, not because he ENJOYS being a dick. We can do better."
The Toronto Maple Leafs are expected to aggressively pursue Mr. Burke so they can add his surly and humourless persona to their collection.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Serial Weirdness - Chapter 1
Monday, June 30, 2008
It Was Going To Happen Sooner or Later
Citizens of the small South-Western Ontario community of Dutton were shocked yesterday when bus-loads of Visigoths showed up on the outskirts of the sleepy little town, disembarked and then preceded to sack the town.
Just after 8:00 am 5 chartered buses pulled into the “Gulp and Blow” truck stop just off of Route 401 and several hundred warlike Germanic tribesmen exited the buses and stood quietly by as the bus drivers removed their siege gear from the luggage compartments. After organizing themselves into manageable groups they swept into the town looting and burning as they went.
As the Visigoths grouped together in the parking lot of the coffee shop the frightened citizens measured their life expectancy in moments until quick thinking senior citizen Dorothy “Dot” Hyoomp grabbed for the nearest cell phone and dialled the dispatcher of the charter bus company, asking them to reroute the buses to the parking lot outside for a pick-up. As the buses pulled into the parking lot outside the rampaging warriors extinguished their torches and formed a queue to re-embark on their respective buses, seemingly forgetting the task at hand. Storing their weaponry in the luggage compartments of the tour buses the Visigoths seemed satisfied with the day’s events.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Well it's about time!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Owls and Their Effects on the Ozone Layer
2) Ice cream is good especially with pie. Ice cream on it's own is okay as is pie. But together ice cream and pie are spectacular. Peanut Butter and chocolate are spectacular too, as is cheeze whiz and bologna (baloney to those who don't know Italian) but the best ever is ice cream and pie. That's why I became a monk. For the pie and ice cream.
3) Stream of consciousness time. One long run-on sentence. Here we go. I got nothin.
4) Four.
5) So I'm riding home on the subway when I look across the aisle and see one of my fellow passengers is a blue whale, the largest mammal on the planet. I immediately get curious about several things; how did she get this far inland from the ocean, how did she get onto the subway car and why didn't she finish the ham sandwich she bought from the consierge? I leaned over to try and engage her in conversation but she was having none of it. An upscale blue whale like her wouldn't have anything to do with a blue-collar shlub like me. My stop arrived and I got off. The subway moved off and I never saw her again, but I'd stole her sandwich.